That Thing Called Loneliness

Have you ever been in a house full of people and still got the twang of loneliness in the center of your chest? Maybe not. Maybe that is only reserved for lunatics like myself. So what am I doing to ease it? I'm watching episodes of Project Runway online and thinking about going into the kitchen to get Caramel Praline ice cream that I bought on sale for $1.99 a quart (nice, I know)
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Yep, sale ice cream that tastes just as good as the full-priced stuff definitely fills one kind of void.

I just can't stop thinking about what kind of mother I am going to be. Everyone says that once they become a mother, their worst fear comes alive: they become their own. So who will I become? And while we are on the subject, who was I? What was my first word? When was my first step? Did I have any favorite foods and were there foods that I would throw across the room if anyone brought them near me? "Your mother knew all that stuff" my father would say. Am I really allergic to penicillin like I remember being told when I was little? "Your mother kept track of that stuff" my father would say (apparently there is no test to prove a penicillin allergy). What time of day was I born? "Definitely around 4 in the afternoon" my father would say. Nope. I found a birth announcement. I was born around 9 in the morning.

So who am I? It's scary living your life when you aren't even sure what some of the possibilities could be... when there are no guidelines to stray from or follow.

The hardest assignments I have ever gotten were the ones in which I was told: "Write about whatever you want." Sounds exhilarating... freeing even. Then you realize it isn't so simple.

Welcome to my life.