This is No Way to Live

I have come to terms with the fact that I am crazy, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I want to change it, but how? My husband has been away at training the past two weeks and I don't know how to pull myself together. I know I sound pathetic, but he really is my glue. Sure we get to text during the day and he calls me for a short periods of time at night, but my cracks are beginning to show!

How am I supposed to be a good mother if I'm not even good at being a person? Anxiety, depression, and a lack of direction all mixed into one body just waiting to explode... that's me. I want to love life! I want to enjoy my days, but it feels like I've forgotten how to enjoy anything. I fill my day in with crap just for something to do, because sleeping all day just gives me a headache.

These things are not happening because my husband is away. Him being away just exaggerates the problems I already knew I had. The ones I already knew I had to fix.

I need a purpose.

I need direction.

I need SOMETHING that does not include a prescription.