Happy Halloween!

Turns out, being a troll doll for Halloween was super easy. Sure, I first pictured being one with an outfit on... but that didn't work so:

Step 1: Buy a cheap pair of khakis and nude turtleneck.

Step 2: Paint a jewel in the center of your turtleneck's belly (it helps to put on the turtleneck and use a pen to mark where the center of your jewel should go)

Step 3: Take a sheet of pillow stuffing and dab acrylic paint the color of your choice all over to create a uniform color.

Step 4: Put up your hair and mold the stuffing around your head (it sticks to itself!)

Step 5: Go out and celebrate!

DIY: Name Wall Decoration for Nursery

Oh yea.. we decided to only have one "N" in her name... :)

What you need:
  • Fleece or felt fabric
  • Scissors
  • Marker
  • Acrylic paint (optional)
  • Paintbrush (optional)
  • Thin cardboard of some kind (I used file folders)
  • Hot glue gun with glue sticks
  • Picture hanging hardware (dollar stores carry them)

Step 1:  Cut your letters out of your fabric. It helps to cut out rectangles the size you want your letters to be (so they are uniform) and then use a marker to draw them before cutting out. I made my letters extra cute by having circles at the ends of my letters.
Step 2 (optional): Paint a cute design on your letters. I painted the circles on the ends of my letters a slightly darker pink than my fabric.

Step 3: Use your hot glue gun to glue strips of your thin cardboard to the back of your letters. This will make the letters less floppy and so much easier to hang!

Step 4: Hot glue the picture hanging hardware to the back of your letters where you would normally nail the pieces into wood and hang! I personally used the blue sticky stuff that you use to hang posters because I am not allowed to put holes in my walls, but I assume that the hardware would make them more secure. I'm going to put Lynaea's name above her crib. I can't wait!

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Sunday Night Sucks... So Cheer Up!

I have always hated Sunday nights, so I always try to find something that will cheer me up.

I found this video (it isn't mine) and thought it might cheer you up too! And yes I'm a terrible person for thinking this is funny, but it is hilarious. It's only 1:25 long, so wait for the ending! PRICELESS!

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This is No Way to Live

I have come to terms with the fact that I am crazy, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I want to change it, but how? My husband has been away at training the past two weeks and I don't know how to pull myself together. I know I sound pathetic, but he really is my glue. Sure we get to text during the day and he calls me for a short periods of time at night, but my cracks are beginning to show!

How am I supposed to be a good mother if I'm not even good at being a person? Anxiety, depression, and a lack of direction all mixed into one body just waiting to explode... that's me. I want to love life! I want to enjoy my days, but it feels like I've forgotten how to enjoy anything. I fill my day in with crap just for something to do, because sleeping all day just gives me a headache.

These things are not happening because my husband is away. Him being away just exaggerates the problems I already knew I had. The ones I already knew I had to fix.

I need a purpose.

I need direction.

I need SOMETHING that does not include a prescription.

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23 weeks!

I feel so cute in the mirror/in person, but so huge in pictures!

Oh well, such is life.

23 weeks 2 days!!

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Knock, Knock.. Who's There?

Even though my stomach looks like a pregnant stomach, and even though little Lynnaea kicks me with a vengeance sometimes... it still doesn't feel real.

Don't ask me how I could feel this way, but I do. It's almost like I'm in denial. Every time a stranger comments on my belly it feels real and I get excited, but then the feeling evaporates (ok... only one stranger has commented on my belly so far which is another thing I wasn't expecting. Everyone tells you strangers just walk up to you and talk to you about it, but that's not really the case with me so far.)

You know the excitement you had when you were little whenever Christmas was around the corner? Then, how after years of Christmases the Christmas feeling didn't come until the day of, and maybe not even then? That is how I feel. I know Christmas is coming, but I don't feel it.

I think I may feel this way until I hold her in my arms. I hope I don't go into shock!

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A Church of... Acceptance?

I've always envied the sense of community a person must feel when they are a member of a religious congregation. To become part of a community like that always felt like something I should do, but any group that says being gay is a sin is not okay with me. (There are other ideological conflicts I have, but that one popped into my head first.)

I thought that my envy would stay that way because there was no way I was going to be a part of that nor let my children. Couldn't anyone get down to the core values of love, acceptance, peace and openness without damning others to hell? I used to think it was impossible before hearing about UU.

When I first heard about the Unitarian Universalist church, I never thought that it would be up to par with my expectations. Turns out that maybe I was wrong. Anyone and everyone is welcome regardless of race, gender, sexuality, and even religious affiliation. I have yet to attend a service, but I have found a UU church in the area where my husband and I will be moving to soon. Reading their local website, I realized that this may be the community I have been looking for:

"Our mission is to encourage free expression of philosophical, spiritual and religious beliefs, work for social justice, provide religious education, deepen our acceptance of ourselves and others, and unite as a caring community." I'm skeptical because that is my nature, but have high hopes.

We shall see!

If you are even a little interested, here is the website for the Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations. Check it out and let me know what you think.

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Do NOT Use Sleep Positioners for Your Baby!

Ever since I learned that babies are only supposed to sleep on their backs (it reduces the chances of SIDS by a crazy amount) and started to register at stores, I learned of sleep positioners. They are like two tubular foam pillows that are attached to each other by a piece of fabric or wedge. They are made so that babies will stay on their backs while sleeping and they seemed like a perfectly logical solution. So I registered for one.

I am taking it OFF my registry immediately!

Since the emergence of said sleep positioners, they have caused babies to die of suffocation! Both the CPSC and the FDA have issued warnings against them recently. Read more here.

SPREAD THE WORD! Never ever use a sleep positioner! All you have to do is place your beautiful baby on its back in a crib free of anything but him or her. (no pillows, blanket, toys, etc...) That baby blanket your best friend worked on for weeks from the wool that they sheared and spun into yarn themselves? Either use it to swaddle, or don't use it at all until after they have reached their first birthday. Here's an awesome guide to keeping your baby safe and your mind sane.

If you know anyone with an infant or who is pregnant, let them know. It could save their child's life.

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And the Winner Is

I am going to be a treasure troll doll for Halloween! However, I think I will be one of the treasure troll dolls that wears some sort of clothing. Maybe a bikini (don't worry.. I won't ONLY have a bikini on. I'm gonna need a bodysuit) or a ballerina outfit. We will see.

I plan on making it myself, so I will have to get my supplies soon to start all the work!

I will make sure to post my step by step process and the finished costume once I'm done. Wish me luck!

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That Thing Called Loneliness

Have you ever been in a house full of people and still got the twang of loneliness in the center of your chest? Maybe not. Maybe that is only reserved for lunatics like myself. So what am I doing to ease it? I'm watching episodes of Project Runway online and thinking about going into the kitchen to get Caramel Praline ice cream that I bought on sale for $1.99 a quart (nice, I know)
Yep, sale ice cream that tastes just as good as the full-priced stuff definitely fills one kind of void.

I just can't stop thinking about what kind of mother I am going to be. Everyone says that once they become a mother, their worst fear comes alive: they become their own. So who will I become? And while we are on the subject, who was I? What was my first word? When was my first step? Did I have any favorite foods and were there foods that I would throw across the room if anyone brought them near me? "Your mother knew all that stuff" my father would say. Am I really allergic to penicillin like I remember being told when I was little? "Your mother kept track of that stuff" my father would say (apparently there is no test to prove a penicillin allergy). What time of day was I born? "Definitely around 4 in the afternoon" my father would say. Nope. I found a birth announcement. I was born around 9 in the morning.

So who am I? It's scary living your life when you aren't even sure what some of the possibilities could be... when there are no guidelines to stray from or follow.

The hardest assignments I have ever gotten were the ones in which I was told: "Write about whatever you want." Sounds exhilarating... freeing even. Then you realize it isn't so simple.

Welcome to my life.